I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
