the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
