just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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