Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
