I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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