just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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