Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
