My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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