Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
