what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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