when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
