I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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