dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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