Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
