i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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