Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
