Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
