In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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