just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
two words...techno handjob
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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