U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
