Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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