I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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