If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
