i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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