I wannas sexs uuuuu
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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