sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
