I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
