I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
honey bunches of taint.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
