I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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