all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
this will be a night to untag.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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