So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize