someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
