He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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