Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
