I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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