oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
