I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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