my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
