"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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