Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
