she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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