i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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