Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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