My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
