Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
