I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
