I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
