I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
