I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
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I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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