Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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