she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
