so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
