Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize