I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
