we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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