I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
