i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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