so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
