Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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