Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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