i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
