So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize