i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
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no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You know, be my cock's hype man.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.