The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"