Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.