i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
