Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
