yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
