I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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