just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
