she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
