just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
