There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
