1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
