I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
