Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
