I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
